couples therapy
haslemere, surrey & online
Neither of you is the problem.
The pattern you keep getting caught in is.
The argument about parenting that turns into a verdict on your character. The "can we talk?" that ends with both of you defending yourselves. Couples therapy with me works on the pattern itself, as it happens between you in the room, without taking sides, so you can see what you keep walking into and try something different instead.
The couple is my client,
not either of you
I'm committed to helping you communicate with each other, rather than to communicate through me. Unlike other styles of couples therapy, I won't take a call or a side conversation with one of you without the other included. My way of working is about strengthening openness and dialogue, not contributing to fears and suspicions.
And this is the very principle my couples training is built upon: the two of you are one unit of work, not two people to referee. In practice, that means I support you to reach each other directly, rather than communicating through me. This is gentle, courageous work, with the potential to be genuinely transformative.
Couples Therapy in Haslemere
Relationship prehab for couples who want to reconnect, not just referee the same argument.
60 minutes, weekly.
Evening appointments available.
In Haslemere or online, whichever fits your week.
£150 per session.
"We'll book couples therapy once things calm down."
Totally fair... except that presumes things are going to calm down on their own (I wish I could promise that). Nearly one in five couples in the UK report being in distressed relationships, and most don't come in until problems have been building for a couple of years. But here's the thing: couples who come in before it's a crisis don't need rescuing, they need relationship prehab. And the best part about starting now? No waiting for a bigger blow-up, no needing a reason, no proof required that it's "bad enough."
"But what if my partner isn't keen?"
Fair question... you've probably brought it up before, at exactly the wrong moment, and watched it turn into a row about whether there's a problem at all. Couples therapy with me works the other way around: nobody has to be convinced first. You just need to be willing to come to one session and see what it feels like. I'm not there to take sides or decide who's right. So the question flips: what if your partner walked in wary and left thinking, that wasn't what I expected? (It often does.)
"What if working on this means we end up separating?"
That's a real possibility, and I won't pretend otherwise. But here's what's true either way: the patterns that get you stuck as a couple don't stay confined to this relationship if they're never worked through, they tend to show up again in the next one. This work isn't just about this relationship, it's a chance to understand your own patterns, properly, maybe for the first time. That's not a consolation prize. It's the difference between repeating something and finally being free of it.
Frequently Asked Questions
When should couples seek therapy?
Earlier than most people think. You don't need to be on the brink of separating... in fact, couples who come in before things reach crisis point often do better, because there's less to repair and more to build.
What are the signs a couple needs therapy?
This isn't an exhaustive list, just some of the reasons couples come to me for support, beyond the big moments of relationship crisis. Refereeing the same argument on a loop, with neither of you quite sure how you got here again. Feeling more like co-managers of a household than partners. Lying inches apart yet feeling emotionally miles away from each other. The rare evening you finally get alone, spent talking about logistics instead of to each other. A growing sense of distance neither of you quite knows how to name. None of these need to be a crisis before they're worth exploring.
Is couples therapy only for repairing a relationship, or can it help us end well too?
Both. My job isn't to keep you together, it's to help you actually hear each other and communicate honestly, whatever you decide together. Sometimes that leads to real repair and reconnection. Sometimes it leads to a clearer, kinder understanding of where you both stand. Without that work, there's a real risk of leaving without understanding what happened, and carrying the same patterns into whatever comes next. Doing this kind of work means that if you do separate, you do it with awareness, having genuinely tried, and with a sense of peace and clarity rather than unfinished business. Either way, you leave having actually said what needed saying.
What if the therapist takes sides?
I won't take sides, and I won't take a call or a side conversation with one of you without the other included either. The couple is my client, not either of you separately: that's how I'd like to work, and it's how my training treats the work. My job is to help you both hear each other, not referee who's right.
What happens in a first couples therapy session?
We start by understanding where you both are and what's brought you here. I'm not there to take sides... my job is to help you actually hear each other, often for the first time in a while.
How much does couples therapy cost?
£150 per session, 60 minutes. In Haslemere or online.
How is Gestalt couples therapy different from approaches like EFT or the Gottman Method?
Interestingly, EFT grew out of Gestalt and experiential therapy in the 1980s, so the two are closely related. Gottman comes from a different lineage entirely, built on relationship research, and tends to teach specific skills for interrupting damaging patterns, like softened start-ups and repair attempts. Both are more structured than Gestalt. I don't teach a script or a set of techniques to practise. We work with what's actually happening between you, right here in the room, body language and all, and let understanding emerge from that rather than following a set sequence. Less a prescriptive map of your patterns, more a live exploration of what's happening and what is and isn't being said, noticing your actual patterns as they happen, so you can shift them together.
Can I get couples therapy on the NHS?
Sometimes, but it's not straightforward, and waiting lists can be long. NHS Talking Therapies can offer couples work, though usually where relationship difficulties are connected to an eligible mental health condition, rather than for relationship problems on their own. Availability also depends on your local NHS trust, some offer it directly, others don't. If it's purely relationship support you're after, or you'd rather not navigate that uncertainty or the wait, private therapy is the more direct route.
Is it normal to be nervous before couples therapy?
Completely. Most couples feel some nerves walking in, especially the first time. That doesn't mean anything's wrong... it usually just means it matters to you both.
Ready to pull up a chair?
Email or call, and we'll start with a conversation about what's going on and whether I'm the right fit.